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Lost in the Woods/Transcript
This is the episode transcript for Lost in the Woods. Transcript (Scene opens to Mayor Archibald's office, before Mayor Archibald faces Petunia.) Archibald: Daily to-do checklist! Let's hear it! Petunia: Fix the House heating system. Archibald: Finished! Petunia: Approve housing permits? Archibald: Done! (looks at himself in a mirror) Petunia: Calm restless citizens. (Mayor Archibald becomes alert from hearing that one.) Archibald: I didn't do that one! Petunia: Really? Archibald: Actually, I did! (spinning in his chair) Check that off! Petunia: Wow, Mayor, you're great at getting things done! You have just one more thing on your to-do list today. Meet with Bob and Larry.) (Bob and Larry show up.) Bob and Larry: Hello, Mayor Archibald! Archibald: Bob, Larry, to what do I owe this delightful visitation? Larry: We wanted to give you a surprise gift! Archibald: A surprise? I just love surprises! Bob: (holding out a blindfold) Put on this blindfold and come with us. (Bob puts the blindfold on Mayor Archibald's face, before Mayor Archibald starts following Bob and Larry.) Archibald: What could it be? Pool party? Book fair? All-you-can-eat ham? (Scene switches to Bob, Larry, and Mayor Archibald now outside in the woods.) Archibald: Where are you talking me? We've been walking for six hours. (Bob stops as Mayor Archibald bumps into him from behind, before Larry removes the blindfold from Mayor Archibald's face.) Larry: Ta-da! We're taking you camping! (Camera zooms up to a butterfly flying, while the sound of a hawk screeching is heard. Mayor Archibald faces Bob and Larry after that.) Archibald: No camping! I can't camp! I have to get back to work! I'm a busy mayor! Larry: We weren't planning to camp very long, just six weeks or so. Archibald: Six weeks? Ahem! Goodbye! (Mayor Archibald runs off.) Larry: Where ya going? Archibald: Back to work! Larry: But- Archibald: No buts! Bob: He's going the wrong way. Larry: We better catch up to him before he gets- (Cut to Mayor Archibald now lost in the woods.) Archibald: Lost in the woods?! Why did I ever agree to let Bob and Larry give me a surprise present? (Scene switches to Jimmy and Jerry who are also camping out in the woods as well.) Jimmy: Jerry, today we become brave mountain men. (Jerry is a little worried, before becoming frightening by something rustling in the bushes, before jumping into Jimmy's 'arms'.) Jimmy: Ah! Jerry: Too scared! Jimmy: I know it's scary, but we're gonna overcome that fear. Let me hear your fierce battle cry! Ah-wooooooooooooo!!!!!!!! Jerry: Meep. Jimmy: Come on, let me hear it! A nice, loud roar! (inhales, roaring) (Jerry takes a deep breath, just as a butterfly lands on his face.) Jerry: (screaming) (Jerry runs off in fear, while the butterfly flies past Jimmy.) Jimmy: This is gonna be harder than I thought. (Scene switches to back with Bob and Larry.) Bob: Mayor Archibald! Mayor Archibald! (Larry goes past Bob while smelling the ground like a bloodhound to try to pick up Mayor Archibald's scent.) Larry: All I smell is dirt! Bob: All I smell is you smelling dirt! Larry: I'm okay with that, so you long as you don't smell any bear. (Scene switches to Mayor Archibald still wandering aimlessly through the woods, until he steps on a branch that breaks loudly. The sound attracts Bob and Larry's attention.) Bob: What was that? Larry: (inhales) Hellooooooo? (Larry's yell echoes through the woods.) Archibald: It's a wild animal! I must make animal noises to make peace with it! Ahem! (howling) (Bob and Larry hear Mayor Archibald's howls, before Larry puts his backpack down and pulls out a donut.) Larry: This donut should get him off our tail! (Larry then throws the donut, much to Bob's surprise.) Bob: That was our only breakfast! (The donut flies through the woods while Mayor Archibald is still howling, until the donut hits him in the face, knocking him over.) Archibald: (Off-screen) Hey! Larry: That wild animal just said "Hey"! Bob: Wait, that's no wild animal! (Bob and Larry pick up their backpacks and approach Mayor Archibald, who is laying on his back with the donut over his eye.) Larry: Phew! It's just Archie! Archibald: (groaning) Larry: Yay! Now you have two monocles! Bi-monocles! (Mayor Archibald takes the donut off of his eye and throws it away before angrily facing Larry.) Archibald: (angrily) You take me home this instant! Bob: Sure, Mayor Archibald, we'll go home right away. Larry: This way, Mayor. Bob: Uh, Larry, I believe you mean to go this way. Archibald: Please don't tell me you don't know the way home! Larry: Cows have four stomachs. Archibald: What does that have to do with anything?! Larry: It doesn't! But you said not to tell you that we don't know the way home. Bob: We need to climb a high spot to see which way is home. (Larry looks around.) Larry: Let's climb that hill over there! Bob: Good idea, Larry! Archibald: (groans) (Bob and Larry go off, while Mayor Archibald follows after them, as they head towards the hill. Scene switches to back with Jimmy and Jerry.) Jimmy: To be a mountain man, ya gotta be able to handle whatever the forest throws your way! Get across that river bed! (Jerry looks out across the river bed.) Jerry: Long distance. Jimmy: You can do it, Jerry! (Jerry finds himself faced with no choice but to do it now. Jerry takes a running start before jumping off the edge, staying in mid-air for a few seconds, before the camera zooms out to show him having not gone very far from the edge, before he falls back down again. Jerry tries again as he does a flipping jump off the edge, but falls off once again. Jerry next uses a pole to catapult himself across, but the pole flings him down into the ravine again. Jerry next uses a jackhammer but the jackhammer throws him into the ravine as well. Jerry is next standing on one end of a board before throwing a rock onto the other end, but the board sends him flying until falling into the ravine again. Jerry next tries firing himself from a cannon, but the cannon just blasts him directly into the ravine after tilting downwards. Jerry is standing near the edge of the river bed again.) Jimmy: (Off-screen) There's a bear coming for ya! (roaring) (Jimmy runs out at Jerry while carrying a cutout of a bear, scaring Jerry so much that he jumps clear across the river bed. Jimmy removes the bear cutout when Jerry does this.) Jimmy: You did it! (Jerry looks to see that he made it across the river bed as he smiles proudly afterwards. Scene switches to back with Bob, Larry, and Mayor Archibald, as they approach a large cave in the side of the hill.) Larry: How do we climb a hill that has a big hole in it? Bob: We could climb up the sides. Archibald: Right! I'll go first! (A loud growl is suddenly heard, which scares Mayor Archibald.) Archibald: Like I said, Larry, you first. (Bob looks over and sees something.) Bob: Run. Archibald: What did you say, Bob? (A giant lobster appears behind Larry and Mayor Archibald without them knowing. Larry and Mayor Archibald finally turn around, becoming frightened when they see the giant lobster behind them.) Archibald: Run! (Bob, Larry, and Mayor Archibald run for their lives, though Mayor Archibald barely manages to avoid getting snapped by the giant lobster, before the lobster chases them. Bob and Larry run for their lives, before Mayor Archibald runs ahead of them.) Archibald: Gangway! (The giant lobster grabs Larry's backpack, while Bob runs through a narrow pair of bushes, leaving his backpack behind as well. Mayor Archibald, followed by Bob and Larry, run up a nearby tree, while the giant lobster tries to reach out at them before circling the tree from down below.) Archibald: How will we ever get out of here now?! Bob: Giant lobsters only have a four-second memory. He'll forget we're up here if we hold still. (Time passes as sundown approaches, while Bob, Larry, and Mayor Archibald are still up in the tree.) Larry: Do you think he's gone? Bob: After us sitting up here for six hours, he'd better be gone. Archibald: Can you please take me home now? Larry: Everyone, follow me down! (Bob, Larry, and Mayor Archibald come down from the tree again, while Larry looks around.) Larry: All clear! The giant lobster is gone! Archibald: Yay! Can we go home then? Bob: It's late, we should pitch our tents instead of hike in the dark. Archibald: But I don't want to sleep in a tent! Larry: Good thing, because, we lost them! Archibald: (gasps) Bob: Where did we lose them? Larry: If I knew where they were, Bob, they wouldn't be lost! Archibald: There's no food! No shelter! No fuel! Larry: Actually, the entire forest around us is made of fuel. Archibald: Alright, there's fuel, but there's no microwave! No sauna! No big-screen TV! Larry: There isn't?! Now I don't wanna be out here either! Archibald: I'm outta here! (Mayor Archibald runs off screaming into the woods.) Larry: For someone who doesn't want to be lost in the woods, he sure runs into the woods a lot. Bob: Come back, Mayor Archibald! (Bob and Larry chase after Mayor Archibald into the woods. Scene switches to later in the evening, before Bob and Larry find Mayor Archibald, who is curled asleep while surrounded by leaves.) Larry: Archie! Archie! Bob: We need something to wake him up! (Bob and Larry try to think of something.) Larry: Oh! I know! Look over there! Undecided voters! (Mayor Archibald wakes up instantly.) Archibald: Oh! A vote for me is- Oh, we're still lost. Bob: There's really nothing to be scared of, you know. (Bob, Larry, and Mayor Archibald hop through the woods.) Bob: Nature is beautiful. We should soak in this tranquil solitude. (A giant figure suddenly lands right behind the trio. Bob, Larry, and Mayor Archibald turn around to see that the figure is a giant Cherry mountain lion.) All: (stammering) Cherry mountain lion: (meowing) Archibald: What was that you were saying about tranquil solitude? (Bob, Larry, and Mayor Archibald quickly run away from the giant Cherry mountain lion. Scene switches to the trio now laying on their backs further in the woods while it is now nightfall.) Larry: We're lost in the woods. Archibald: No food. Bob: No shelter. Larry: No air. Archibald: I think there's air out here, Larry. Larry: Really? What a luxury! Bob: I'm sorry we got you into this, Mayor. If only we had a leader we could all look to for help. Larry: Archie! You're a great leader! Archibald: Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. Bob: He's right! You lead our town with such passion and conviction. I know you can get us out of here! Archibald: That's different! I was elected mayor! Larry: I vote to make Archie the leader of this disastrous camping nightmare! Bob: You've got my vote! (Something moves by in the bushes, scaring Bob, Larry, and Mayor Archibald again.) All: (screaming) Bob: We're all out of options! We're doomed! Bob and Larry: (screaming) (Bob and Larry run off in fear, leaving Mayor Archibald behind, while Bob and Larry still run around in a panic. Mayor Archibald is finally resolute.) Mayor Archibald: I accept. No more being afraid in the woods. Calm the restless citizens. (Bob and Larry are still running in a panic, until Mayor Archibald grabs them and puts them back down again as they stop panicking.) Archibald: Fix House heating system. Larry, get us some firewood. Approve housing permits. Bob, get us some leaves to build a shelter. Get to work! Bob and Larry: Yes, sir! Archibald: (singing) No fear, no fear Not afraid of nothin' round here It's dark in this forest But I'm singin' this chorus No fear, no fear, no fear Good cheer, no tears Not afraid of the wild frontier No, I'm not abandoned Cuz God's my companion No fear, no fear, no fear God is my strength And even when things go wrong In the darkest woods He helps me to be strong No bees, no bats, no wolves, wild cats No bears, no bugs, no snakes, no slugs No mosquito bites, no depths, no heights Will make me fear Cuz God is near No fear, no fear Not afraid of nothin' 'round here It's dark in this forest But I'm singin' this chorus No fear, no fear, no fear Good cheer, no tears Unafraid of the wild frontier No, I'm not abandoned Cuz God's my companion No fear, no fear, no fear! (laughing) (The song ends just as the shelter is finally built. Scene switches to later in the night, while Bob, Larry, and Mayor Archibald are now asleep in their shelter, before the bushes rustle again, waking up Bob.) Bob: What was that? (The rustling still continues.) Bob: It just sounded like a mysterious creature slowly lurking toward us. (yawning, wakes up again) Mysterious creature slowly lurking toward us?! What do we do?! Archibald: We stick together. (Bob, Larry, and Mayor Archibald stand together, before the sound of a cat yowling is heard.) Bob: There it is again! (The Cherry mountain lion shows up again.) Archibald: Stay calm! I'll distract the beast! (Mayor Archibald throws a stick, which the Cherry mountain lion chases after.) Larry: Now what? Archibald: We move! (Bob, Larry, and Mayor Archibald quickly run through the forest, jumping over a log that's in their path, before the Cherry mountain lion suddenly jumps in front of them, which causes them to change direction, with the Cherry mountain lion chasing after them. Bob, Larry, and Mayor Archibald jump over a chasm, but the Cherry mountain lion jumps over the chasm as well. Bob, Larry, and Mayor Archibald also run across a giant tree branch, the Cherry mountain lion still chasing after them over the giant branch. The three continue running with the Cherry mountain lion still chasing after them, until arriving back at the same hill with the cave from earlier, finding themselves trapped.) Bob: Dead end! (The Cherry mountain lion corners Bob, Larry, and Mayor Archibald.) All: (screaming) Larry: Giant Cherry monster lion cat! Archibald: I have a plan! (Mayor Archibald runs into the giant lobster's cave.) Bob: What kind of a plan is that?! (Scene switches to Mayor Archibald running towards the exit of the cave with the giant lobster after him, before Mayor Archibald exits from the cave, as the giant lobster comes out from the cave as well. The Cherry mountain lion then notices the giant lobster, before the two giant behemoths start to fight each other, while Bob and Larry watch in amazement, before Mayor Archibald faces them.) Archibald: Now, we climb! (Scene switches to Bob, Larry, and Mayor Archibald now climbing up the hill while tied to each other, Larry at the top, Bob in the middle, and Mayor Archibald at the bottom.) Archibald: Just don't look down! Larry: Right! Just don't look- (Larry looks down and becomes afraid.) Larry: I looked down! (screaming) (Larry falls down the hill, pulling Bob with him, but Mayor Archibald keeps the two from falling even further.) Archibald: I got you! I got you! (Mayor Archibald resumes climbing up the hill again, before making it to the top, pulling Bob and Larry up to the top with him.) Bob: Look! (Bob, Larry, and Mayor Archibald look to see that they made it back to the House.) All: Yay! We're back! Archibald: We made it! Let's go home! (Scene switches to Bob, Larry, and Mayor Archibald arriving back in the town square again.) Bob: I knew you had it in you, Mayor Archibald! Larry: Thanks for being such a great leader, Archie. Archibald: Once I remembered that God was near, I could lead in any scary situation. (The sound of roaring is suddenly heard, which scares Bob, Larry, and Mayor Archibald again, while Larry jumps into Bob's 'arm's. The roaring is revealed to be Jimmy and Jerry, who are standing on top of the fountain, the two roaring, now that Jerry has finally overcome his fears, before the screen irises out on the two, ending the episode.)Category:VeggieTales in the House transcripts Category:Transcripts Category:Finished Transcripts